Sprawlings Of A Besotted Heart

Get To Know Me On A Stay-Home Sunday

2008-01-13T15:26:00.001+08:00

Another boring stay-home Sunday for me. So here i am blogging about the dozens number of personality tests i took today. I have to say, the results from these tests arent't that bad though.

(1) What's Your Goddess Identity?

Hidayah, you're a Sphinx! You are a mysterious being, Lady Sphinx, distinguished by your deep wisdom, strength, and royal power. You've also got a special something that draws people to you — even if they can't explain why. Maybe it's because you're always immersed in thought, pondering everything around you — your music, the fashion scene, or the latest movies.

It's not that you need to be on top of everything, it's just that you prefer to walk a stable path through this life, and that's easier for you to do if you know what's goin' on. But beyond your keen awareness of the world, you also have a strong intuition — which is probably why friends and family think of you as such a sage goddess. This natural ability to just sense things makes you a great judge of character when meeting new friends, or attracting a new crush. So don't be afraid to use these otherworldly goddess powers to spark some love in your realm, Ms. Sphinx!

Work that intrigue. Your gifts make you alluring, but not too revealing. You'll always hold the secrets of life and keep 'em guessing. You've got plenty to show the world — so get out there and show them what you're made of!

(2) What Kind Of Girlfriend Are You?

Hidayah, you're a Steady Supporter! Stand by your man — that's just something you naturally do. Once you've committed to a relationship, you are a constant companion who enjoys the comfort and stability that comes from being a couple. Not quick to judge, accuse, or think the worst, you have a lot of trust (in him and in yourself), and you rarely worry about where he is or who he's with.

For you, mutual respect is of utmost importance. You are comfortable and confident in your own skin, making you a great pillar of strength in all your relationships. Whether he's striving to climb a mountain or land a promotion, you have his back. Best part is, you know he's got yours too.

(3) Who's Your Type?

Your type is the Romantic! There's no such thing as too much wining and dining! You're a sucker for the Romantic. Some flowers... a nice dinner... a little music — right up your alley! Your type places his woman on a pedestal and treats her like a princess. That's exactly what you crave. Whether you need it or not, you like the reassurance that a romantic guy provides. With him, you never feel taken for granted. You don't fall for the tough-guy act — in fact, you're turned off by a guy who's not in touch with his feminine side. The sensitive male who properly courts a woman will steal your heart every time. A little traditional? Yup. A little old-fashioned? Maybe so. But did a little extra doting ever hurt anyone? Definitely not.

(4) What Turns You On?

Hidayah, a Romantic Gesture turns you on! Hey there, sweet thing! In affairs of the heart, your pulse pounds at the tender and enchanting moments. While you may not have it all mapped out just yet, the fairytale ending is what you're after and romantic gestures are a sure way to give you butterflies.

It might be sweet notes, a bubble bath for two, a surprise getaway to your favorite B&B, or even just an extra spin around the block listening to your favorite love song. Whatever it is, romantic moments (and the thoughts behind them) turn you on. Sure, brains are important, a sense of humor is attractive, and you never said there was anything wrong with sexy underthings, but it's how your partner expresses their feelings for you that really lights your fire. How romantic!

(5) Are You High Maintenance?

Material Upkeep:
Zen Master. Maybe you're self-sufficient and practical, or maybe you're just slightly unkempt. Either way, you tend to think that top-of-the-line products are unnecessary and excessive, and you don't indulge yourself with more than you need. We think it's safe to say that you don't put much emphasis on how trendy or high-quality your products and possessions are. You're a firm believer in the philosophy of "less is more."

Emotional Upkeep:
A Bit Dramatic. You like being a top priority in your partner's life, but you also respect their independence — and good for you! Sure, it's important for you to feel valued and appreciated in your relationship, but your expectations for your significant other tend to be realistic and attainable. You definitely know how you want to be treated, but you don't think the only fulfilling relationship is one filled with constant doting. Sensible and sweet!

Personal Upkeep:
Laid-Back. You definitely care about how you present yourself, but probably not enough to let your appearance dictate what you do, where you go, and who you spend time with. Sure, you take pride in your appearance, but you know that some things are more important than looks. That's a great attitude — it looks like you've achieved a very healthy balance between narcissism and neglect.

K lah, enough lah hor. Need to find something else to do to kill my boredom now. Toodles~

Stop And Stare, I Think I'm Moving But I Go No Where.

2008-01-06T18:40:00.000+08:00

He called her that night,

And just started to chat.

She was happy when she talked to him,

And so there she sat.

He sounded a bit odd,

But she didn’t notice until

She said I love you,

And there was no reply.

She said “hello?”

And he said im here.

Suddenly her heart filled with fear.

He told her how he had found someone else,

And didn’t want her anymore.

The line went dead,

She dropped the phone,

her heart had painfully torn.

The next day he went to see her

To make sure she was ok.

But when he didn’t find her,

Panic fell on his face.

He ran down the hall,

Screaming her name,

Until finally in the bathroom,

His heart filled with shame.

There she lie,

On the cold tile floor.

He couldn’t stand the sight,

He couldn’t look anymore.

With blood on her wrists,

And a knife by her side,

This broken hearted girl

Committed suicide.

Have you wondered why is it that we still fall in love and get into a relationship even though we would have already known how terrible some of them could end?

And yet many of us choose to take the risk of having a broken heart as we willingly give our hearts to a possible candidate?

Then try as we might, to make things work out between two different people.

If that wouldn't be enough, external distractions can invite horrible problems too.

And that's what i dont understand most about love. Really.

How is it that someone can jeopardize his/her relationship, with the partner whom he/she himself/herself chose to be with in the first place? Jeopardizing the relationship he/she chose to be in, for someone else?

Dont they know that what goes around comes around? Karma doesnt take a day off dude. And how can you bury a secret from a relationship that you intent to be in for the rest of your life? Or at least for a few years. Damn right stupidity.

When you're in love with someone, really in love, and not some puppy love of any sort, you don't keep secrets from each other. You won't even feel the need to search or get to know anyone else. You should already feel certain that you've found what you've been looking for all along. You wouldn't want to do anything that could possibly hurt your loved one or make him/her feel less assured of the relationship. All that you would want to do is make him/her happy all the time, just to see his/her smile, and reassure him/her that he/she is indeed the only one in his/her life. And not do stuff to make him/her hesitate and trouble his/her mind with unnecessary questions that goes unanswered and untold, for fear of coming out as demanding and petty.

Well. Anyways. As for me, so far i'm doing good. Apart from school and other stuff pulling my hair out occasionally, i'm doing not that bad. Thank you.

Like You'll Never See Me Again...

2007-12-18T22:23:00.000+08:00

Watch.

Listen.

Miss me.

If I had no more time, no more time left to be here, would you cherish what we had?
Was it everything that you were looking for?
If I couldn’t feel your touch, and no longer were you with me, I’d be wishing you were here
To be everything that I’d be looking for
I don’t wanna forget the present is a gift, and I don’t wanna take for granted the time you may have here with me
‘Cause Lord only knows another day is not really guaranteed

So every time you hold me, hold me like this is the last time
Every time you kiss me, kiss me like you’ll never see me again
Every time you touch me, touch me like this is the last time
Promise that you’ll love me, love me like you’ll never see me again

How many really know what love is?
Millions never will
Do you know until you lose it, that it’s everything that we are looking for
When I wake up in the morning, you’re beside me
I’m so thankful that I found, everything that I been looking for

I don’t wanna forget the present is a gift, and I don’t wanna take for granted the time you may have here with me
‘Cause Lord only knows another day is not really guaranteed

So everytime you hold me, hold me like this is the last time
Every time you kiss me, kiss me like you’ll never see me again
Every time you touch me, touch me like this is the last time
Promise that you’ll love me, love me like you’ll never see me again

Things To Do On A Date

2007-12-16T19:14:00.000+08:00

Bowling.
Ice-Skating.
Picnic.
Camping.
Walks on the beach.
Visit the zoo.
Go to a play.
Go to a drive-in movie.
Go to a car show.
Go see fireworks.
Go to a movie.
Play board games.
Visit garage sales.
Go to an air show.
Play card games.
Make your own videos.
Karaoke.
See a musical.
Go to a concert.
Visit each others' grandparents.
Volunteer together.
Go horseback riding.
Go dancing.
Play a game of tag.
Climb trees together.
Take a riverboat cruise.
Ride a ferry or steamboat.
Waterslide.
Go swimming.
Go to the driving range.
Play soccer.
Jet ski.
Work out together.
Sunbathe together.
Run together in the rain.
Badminton.
Ride go-carts.
Beach volleyball.
Go for a country drive.
Go stargazing.
Rent a movie.
Have a picnic at home.
Look at Christmas lights.
Go to a museum.
Watch the sunset.
Bake cookies together.
Do laundry together.
Make ice-cream.
Go for a sunset walk.
Cook dinner for each other.
Go grocery shopping.
Go to an arcade.
Play frisbee.
Walk on the beach at midnight.
Roast marshmallows over a campfire.
Visit favorite childhood places.
Finger paint.
Pillow fight.
Go kayaking.
Play hide and seek.
Go roller blading.
Go for a moonlit walk.
Watch TV together.
Snuggle.
Watch the sunrise.
Go shell searching on the beach.
Visit an orchard.
Watch little league games.
Watch planes take off.
See a midnight movie.
Go window shopping.
Thumb wrestle.
Puddle jump in the rain.
Play tennis.
Hot air balloon ride.
Ride a bike built for two.
Go to a playground.
Go to an amusement park.
Play laser tag.
Learn to rock climb.
Fly a kite.
Give each other backrubs.
Go deep sea fishing.
Go scuba diving.
Have a small party.
Take a hobby class.
Visit a haunted house.
Go to a circus.
Go out for coffee.
Visit a flea market.
Go to a buffet
Play bingo.
Go to a bookstore.
Listen to music.
Go snorkelling.
Visit shops in a neaby small town.
Go to a soccer game.

-$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$-

And Then, Now What?

2007-12-14T21:00:00.000+08:00

I don't club.

I don't stay out till late at night.

And yet.

I'm never going to be good enough.

Undeniably, i admit i do stupid things without putting much thought beforehand. Sometimes it's for a reason, and at other times without none. Although most of the times it's unexcusable.

But God knows i'm trying.

Maybe the lesser i'm at home the better. At least there'll be lesser problems at home too, since i have the tendency of pissing people off apparently. And have been always the reason for unhappiness.

Apologizing don't seem to work anymore. The word "Sorry" is utter useless now i suppose. So i basically have no idea what else to do.

And within a year or two, i'll be off living far away somewhere else anyways, insyallah. U.S? N.Z? U decide lah hor dear. I don't care anymore.

Time Flies When You're Having Too Much Fun.

2007-12-10T23:59:00.000+08:00

3 days at KL whizzed by just like that. So fast. Am already missing the old folks there liao. Hopefully we'll meet again soon. =))

One last shot before going off for the trip.

At Colmar Tropical liao.

While waiting for lunch.

High up among the clouds at Colmar.

I don't need coffee to be this silly. ^_^"

Retro-looking photo, with the cold mist and all. Not to mention the glasses of course.

Our wonderful host/hostess back in KL. Never fail to tickle our funny bone. It's in the genes darl.

The roller-coaster ride situated inside the Berjaya Times Square Mall itself. Insane.

Night out at the nearby cafe, bro, mummy...

...and sis, deciding really hard on what to order....

...whereas the professional don't even need a menu. Huahuahua.

Got for me self white coffee with mocha. Couldn't fall asleep at all that night. -_-"

And this...

...is what happens when the coffee kicks in.

Pride and joy of our relative. Bronze in Asian Games 1962. =))

And presenting my little mr good-lookin'. Always smiling and laughing, never a cry. ^_^

On our way back to Singapore. The brother not looking too happy about that. Lols.

KL trips aren't complete without pictures of this.

A fruitful holiday it has been. Hopefully next time around, we should all go together as one big contingent with the cousins and all. ^_^

Time really flies when you're having fun, no?

And it's ironic how 8 hours doesn't seem to be enough when you're around someone you love but yet 8 hours seems to be forever when it's at school. Heh.

Yeah, i'm missing him already.

Love the silliness. Love the laughter. Love the smiles. Just being around him makes me happy. And i can be myself, silly, crazy and witty. "Never find a love like this." And it breaks my heart every time we have to part before meeting up again in the next few days. =(

Don't go any farther baby.. I don't really like to take flights on planes anyways.

Or maybe at least wait for me and we'll go together some day...? Deal or no deal? ^_^

It's A Family Affair!

2007-12-03T20:38:00.000+08:00

What a week.
What a hectic week.

But very fruitful in the end.

Had lots of fun during the cousins' outing. Knew it was going to be fun, but it went far awesome from what i've expected. Should definitely do it more often. Love every single one of them. Not forgetting the P.U & M.U obviously lah kan. Hoho.

The day started off with meeting the cousins at Cityhall before meeting the P.U & M.U at Marina Square. Then after contemplating on where to go next, we eventually decided to eat at Burger King. I only got myself some mushroom burger thingy. Not a fan of Burger King eh sorry.

The little cousin not so little anymore liao.

My psychedelic bowling shoes, ready to roll.

Must got gaya, mutu, keunggulan mah. Lols

P.U coaching M.U while Hafiz pilih bola macam pilih ikan kat pasar. ^_^

Next activity was suppose to be movies at Vivo, but due to the insane crowd in the theatres leaving only the first two rows left for us 13 mafia chickadees, the P.U Godfather treated us all on heavenly delights at Haagen-Dasz instead. Heavenly.

It took us 10 minutes to decide on what to order, while it took him only a flip of a page. Amazing.

Us with the table still very clean, spick and span.

Us when the goodies arrived. All smiles because of Vitamin F(ree)!

Can see the happy bunny on the far left there? ^_^

The christmas tree located at Vivo's rooftop.

Wish you were here.

The hunks of the family. Mats! Hoho.

The flowers among the fertilisers. Heh.

Me fixing my antenna, Hariz trying to reach the pole, Hafiz with his Marie Claire goodies(lols) and Ayun diggin' his nose. Huahuahua.

By the time we're done with Vivo, no one was looking forward to end the day and go home. Faces seemed to turn glum by the mention of 'home'. Then came the brilliant idea of extending the night to a sleepover at P.U & M.U's place. So off we hopped to Jurong to spend the rest of the night there, leaving 3 respective parents having their house all for themselves without the kids at home. *winks* ^_^

Lounge at P.U's place, the new halal pub. Oh and yeah, that's me in the kain. Funny-looking, i know, but comfy k! =p

The world's friendliest cat, who doesn't bite, scratch and even rarely makes any sound. We'll bully you again soon MaoMao! Muahahaha.

No words can describe how insane the outing was. How incredibly noisy we were as a group. Gosh.

Oh and the other highlight of the week is with the boify, but that's something i'd rather not blog about here lah kan. Heh. Love you dear. =))

No One.

2007-11-10T20:03:00.000+08:00

I just want you close
Where you can stay forever
You can be sure
That it will only get better

You and me together
Through the days and nights
I don't worry 'cuz
Everything's going to be alright
People keep talking they can say what they like
But all i know is everything's going to be alright

No one, no one, no one
Can get in the way of what I'm feeling
No one, no one, no one
Can get in the way of what I feel for you,
Can get in the way of what I feel for you...

When the rain is pouring down
And my heart is hurting
You will always be around
This I know for certain

You and me together

Through the days and nights
I don't worry 'cuz
Everything's going to be alright
People keep talking they can say what they like
But all i know is everything's going to be alright

No one, no one, no one
Can get in the way of what I'm feeling
No one, no one, no one
Can get in the way of what I feel for you, you, you
Can get in the way of what I feel

I know some people search the world
To find something like what we have
I know people will try, try to divide something so real
So til the end of time I'm telling you there is no one

No one, no one, no one
Can get in the way of what I'm feeling
No one, no one, no one
Can get in the way of what I feel for you...

So Far...

2007-10-28T21:54:00.000+08:00

To be honest, i wasn't expecting yesterday's raya outing to be any where near enjoyable, taking into account that 4 of them wasn't able to join. But it was rather awesome actually. Noisier than expected. I guess, it really doesn't matter how many were able to tag along, as long as i have my close friends and wonderful boyfriend with me. Especially if they can all get along. I'm a happy bunny. ^_^

As for today, it can be considered as an opposite of yesterday's energy though. Down with terrible flu and choked up throat. And apparently i'm "spending lesser quality time with the family." Oh boo. Supergirl's getting tired. I need a break.

School-wise, everything seems to be as per before, with the 'joys' hanging out after classes or during breaks. What's been draining my brain out would be the major project. Hopefully we're able to cope though. I need a lot of researching to do.

And now after 4 paragraphs of crap talking, i'm tired. Zzzzzzzzz..

Tengo Que Verle...

2007-10-05T15:48:00.000+08:00

About 45km apart. $2 fare. An hour ride.

I wish Singapore is smaller.

Or the cars go faster.

Or humans can fly.

Or teleporting exists.

Ridiculous.

But i miss him badly...

2007-10-03T15:33:00.000+08:00

How i wish i'm working right now. As in part-time working, i mean. At least i can help him out.

=(

Para Mejor

2007-10-03T10:35:00.000+08:00

I've never felt any happier to be going back to school next semester. What a relief. Lols.

Mum's check-up results returned negative on all possible chronic illnesses. And apparently the cause of the constant pain was a torn tissue in the sole of her feet.

Grandma's visit to our home miraculously changed her for the better, so from the looks of it, this Raya, the aunts and uncles would be more than happy to visit her.

Yays. Alls wells.

Oh and i can't believe i can be so lame le. Seashell? Nyeh. Lame, pathetic and broke. Lols. Oh well, at least he liked it... Or at least he said he did. Hurhurhur.

Oh and i also can't believe he can be so forgiving. *swoons*
Someone pinch me please. ^_^

Because of You

2007-10-01T12:07:00.000+08:00

I wonder if there's any true, faithful, loyal, honest and trustworthy guys out there. Who actually sticks to one girl and only one girl in his life. Like for real. Because from what i see so far, there really is none. Sad isn't it.

Well on the other hand, i won't deny girls are not that different either. And i must admit, i've fallen under that category of girls once or twice before. But lesson learnt, karma works both ways.

And honestly speaking, i'm not ready. I'm not ready to get my heart broken all over again.

I just don't understand why is it so difficult for guys to be true to one? The one they chose for themselves? Why must they still be interested with other girls?

I have no idea how many guys i've refused to keep in contact anymore just for the sake of my only one.

They said "don't get too involved". Yeah. Easier said than done knowing that he's really everything i've ever looked for in a partner. And i'm definitely not saying this just because he's mine and i feel obliged to. But seriously. I'm grateful and damn thankful that there's him.

There's nothing more i could ask him to change the way he already is. He says he's not good looking. I totally disagree. He says he's fat even. That's total crap too.

I guess the problem really lies on me. I'll never be good enough. Too short. Too small. Too far. Too near.

But goodness. Too late for that now. For i know i know i've fallen in love. Say whatever you please. I know what i feel. I've never been happier. I've never had any desire to want to become a better person.

And i suppose it's crappy of me and what i did just to assure myself. Total crap. Bullshit. Definitely and undeniably inexcusable. And somehow hakim, if you're reading this, i hate you with all my heart. You ruined my past. And ruin my future. I wish i've never met you.

Anyways. I'm not putting down the photo in Friendster. I'm not changing a thing. I'm in love now. With Fatta and only him. And i want to make it work... Because i love him for who he is. No matter the heartache it'll bring.

Le amo más...

2007-09-30T06:06:00.000+08:00

For all the love you made me feel,
And all the happiness you gave to me,
Through time it will make you see,
That this love i have for you...
Are as real as you and me.

I'm glad this relationship is way more matured than the one i had in the past. Without the constant arguing and the vulgarities when at war. And the whole 'small issue become big issue' nonsense, and the dragging of problems without quickly solving it. So unnecessary. And immature, if you ask me.

It really takes two to make things work. And i believe that's what i have now.

I guess this is the kind of relationship one of my besties keep telling me about. Definitely different from the ones we had in the past. And absolutely much happier too. I've been really happy for her ever since she found someone better in her life. Now that makes the both of us though. Hehe. Somehow our fates keep intertwining with so much similarities over the past few years. And i'm glad we're much happier off now. ^_^

Hmm... i'm supposed to be back to sleep by now, but i don't know if i could. Mum will be going to do some check-ups later in the morning, and i really want to accompany her but since Dad will be following her then i think i should stay at home, unwillingly. Heh. Anyways, Grandma, Bro and Auntie will be at home, and besides, Sis will be back in the afternoon later too. So i think i'm pretty needed at home. Whatever it is, hopefully Mum's not too seriously sick.

Me rindo!

2007-09-29T15:23:00.001+08:00

Well. It seems that i judged him a little too soon. It's true after all - 'All guys are the same.'

How can he accept another girl's friend request and refuses to accept mine, with that stupid excuse?

And what's with that testimonial in his profile? And the pictures?

And of course, so much for "there's no girls in my profile. i deleted them already." I'm pretty sure what i saw are females. Not that it matter to me. But seriously, you didn't have to lie about it. I have guys in mine. And honestly, they flirt blatantly in there like no body's business.

SO. WHAT. IS. UP. WITH. ALL. THAT.

I am seriously sick and tired with all these. Maybe it's time for me to actually give up.

Sospechas.

2007-09-28T22:48:00.000+08:00

Hmm... Within a night, he already changed his status on Friendster back to single. Well that's fast for him to judge me like that. Isn't it.

What is up with that. As if i'm not insecured enough with all this relationship thing. First it was the fact that he didn't accept my friend request because apparently his profile is only for his guy friends and no girls allowed. And now this sudden change of status. Well that's fantastic.

This is familiar. TOO familiar....

Thank You God

2007-09-28T18:17:00.000+08:00

Unbelievable. I feel so blessed and grateful to be with him. I thanked God with all my tears of joy for giving me the best partner that i could ever ask for. My prayers throughout these years has finally been answered. What more could i ever ask for now.

It was total disbelief that he could accept me for who i am, for who i was in the past and for everything that has ever happened before. And yes, his history isn't squeaky clean either. But i guess the difference lies on the fact that i'm the girl in the situation. And somehow, people tend to assume to the fact that the girl has to be the 'perfect' one in a relationship.

I couldn't even stop crying after reading what he had to say in the message. I just feel so blessed to be with someone so understanding, forgiving and willing to accept me for i am or who i was. He's so unbelievably near to perfect that on the other hand, it scares me.

It scares me that he's willing to do all that for me. It scares me that he's so remarkably nice to me. It scares me that he's all that i've been looking for in a life partner. And i guess i should stop feeling this way towards him, knowing the fact that he has done nothing wrong so far. Gosh. I'm so insecure. I really need to stop thinking that guys are only nice to girls for their own motive. Not all guys are like that, right? Well, i sure hope not.

For the first time in long donkey years, i'm actually happy. And i'm not saying i'm happy only just because i smile insanely every where i go. But i'm saying i'm happy because i can feel my heart beating again. So i'm pretty sure my heart's smiling insanely along with me too. Lols.

I love him lots. I really do. And i love him just the way he is. Understanding, patient, mature... Every single thing i've been looking for in a man. I feel so lucky to have him in my life now. And i have the feeling even my mum is starting to have a little liking for him too. Wait till they meet him in person... ^_^